Save Da Erf... Wait, Who?

Let's preface this, so that no one gets all confused. Someone will still get confused, but now I can claim it's not my fault, cause here's a preface. Can't argue with a preface.

Preface:

I'm not going to get into talking about climate change, there's too much research to get into there, and then everything just turns into usually pointless political bullshit. I'm not going there. Aaaanyways...

Being a person that loves words, I get anxious or critical when people needlessly misuse the language that I love. The language that is the language of English. Anyone that knows anything about language knows that it's okay to break rules, but people who are good at communicating will tell you that you only break rules if you've got a good reason. 

The term "save the earth" as it is used in so many activist's mouths, facebooks, event invites, and passions is one that has always confused and bothered me. It confuses me because I'm wondering what the earth needs saving from. I'm bothered because the motive behind this slogan is not the one they portrayed, it is a lie.

One who says "save the earth" implies that they think the earth needs saving, and that they, or someone with whom they will be able to contact, can save it. In my fairly normal, perhaps acutely sheltered life, I've never seen a threat to the planet. The planet Earth is a good, smart, nice good planet, and it can take care of itself. If it gets uncomfortable it shakes it out, if it wants an adventure, it goes on an ice age excursion. It's done this for billions of years. A man that I met, his name was Science, told me, "this earth thing has done this shit for something like 4 billion years, probably more." Science was a wise man, I take his word on it. 

So apart from an incoming astronomical catastrophe, or some Earth core explosion, I think the earth is safe without our help... Just saying. That's why I'm confused, there's no need to save the planet.

The real problem I have with "saving the planet" is everyone acts like this is some sort of selfless notion, it's not. What people really mean when they say, "save the planet," is, "try to stop that lots o' people gonna' die maybe." The Earth is fine. It was before we humans showed up, and I'm betting it will be if we leave, whether on a spaceship or otherwise. 

Trying to "save the planet" is purely a self-interested human instinct. We want our species to be preserved, and of course we do. If we aren't around who is going to sit around and come up with awesome stuff like, interwebs, touch screens, string theory, Batman movies, and colostomy bags? Honey badger don't do that stuff, it just takes what it wants. There are plenty of reasons to want humans to stick around, so why don't we just say that?

I don't understand why people might find it more compelling to save Da Erf when there are plenty of people around worth saving. If you really believe that changing the way we live our lives will preserve human life on this planet, or return your damned immortal soul to a haven of loving glory and light, play the shit out of that angle. I, for one, would be much more compelled by a cause that promises that we'll clone dinosaurs, so long as we help each other survive long enough, than a cause that asks me to save something that needn't be saved. 

Stop fronting please, that's all I ask. Your statement let's "save the earth," is a fraud, find a new one. I can think of a few hundred slogans that people could easily get behind, and none of them are confused lies like "save the earth," but you can still accomplish the same thing. You're breaking the rules of English without a real purpose, you're not saying what you mean. That's disingenuous, and not compelling, you can do better than that, I know you can. 

Kthxbai!

Did you read this and think I'm stupid? comment below!

Did you read this and come up with an awesome reason to keep humans around on da erf? comment below even harder plz!

More awesome slogans for the future:

"I want laser guns for my grandkids"

"Let raptor fights replace dog fights... 2312"

"Average people will embraces great art"

"I don't believe in reincarnation, but my clones will party forever!"

Also, for those who voted last week, the winner was number 2 (obv)... Numbers 1 and 4 got votes as well, so I'll move them onto next week's voting list, you can vote for them next week if you loved them.